From the Desk of Dr. Jeanne King, Ph.D.

Thursday, 10:15 AM

Dear Battered Mother,

If you are entangled in, or recovering from, divorce proceedings with an abuser, I urge you to read the information on this page very carefully!

It could save you-your life, your children, your job, savings and your home. ...And if you've experienced any of these losses, it WILL help you heal!

You wake up and find yourself reaching out for society’s aid to help you protect yourself and your children. And in many cases, they show up before you realize that you invited them.  

Your emotions are mixed, your day-to-day reality clear and your future fuzzy.
You want to believe your attorney is working for your "best interest," but this belief can't be supported by the proceedings, especially when his/her fees are funded by the marital estate which your controlling spouse controls.

The financial social politics are crystal clear, but you cling to the ideal of "social justice" and human decency, until you hear your counsel and the court throw a deaf ear to your child’s self-mutilating in the face of being forced to live with someone who abuses him (sometimes before and WITHOUT a custody trial).

And you may even find yourself desperately struggling to have contact with your children after they are denied access to you...for days, weeks, months and for some protective parents for years.

You recognize that life, as you once knew it, is vanishing ...your children, your home, your savings, your career and, for many domestic abuse survivors, your health.

Far too often, domestic abuse survivors go from the "frying pan" to the "fire" on their way out of an abusive relationship. And they wonder how this can happen. While it doesn’t always happen, it’s more common than most people realize.

If you are a living domestic abuse, either on the inside of the relationship or on your way out of it, being informed about systemic abuse is essential to your survival.

Victims of domestic abuse can avoid being mothers without custody by recognizing, and not falling prey to, systemic abuse before it spirals out of control.

What is Systemic Abuse?

The word “systemic” is defined as “relating to, or referring to, the whole organism.”

I liken systemic abuse to any systemic disease. It erodes the very elements that sustain the organism.

"Systemic abuse" is the manifestation of abuse by that deemed to protect the abused. The net result: the perpetuation of domestic violence by the very systems that purport to stop it.

You might notice...

The court agents don’t/won’t/can’t see you for who you are, but rather only as your perpetrator desires you to be portrayed.

Your children’s desperate cries for help are muffled, and their pleas for safety fall upon deaf ears.

You're wondering which side your attorney is actually on.

Survivors of domestic abuse far too often meet systemic abuse face-to-face in their efforts to seek safety from an abusive partner. You can be the defendant in a domestic abuse arrest, the party restrained by an ex-parté order of protection, the protective parent with supervised visitation or the battered mother cut out of your abused children’s lives.

You could be black, white, yellow or of mixed origin. You may be rich, poor, professional or without technical skills. There are as many variations of the story of systemic abuse as there are people living it.

...And when it’s yours, you know it; not only do you feel violated, but you also see no aid, no options and you learn that you are your first responder.

I was there, too. I lived systemic abuse and I can tell you from my own experience IT'S NOT ABOUT YOU. However, it is up to you to learn how to navigate the system and survive your partner's "use-of-the-system" to control you and your family.

In my efforts to make sense out of the unthinkable, I wrote a book entitled All But My Soul: Abuse Beyond Control. Now, initially I was drawn to write this book for the benefit of my 3 children...to help them answer the questions, “Mom, why did you leave?” "...and why couldn't we see you?"

At that time, I hadn't fully grasped how wide spread of a problem this is; battered mothers being pushed out of their children's lives. People came up to me during book events coast-to-coast telling me they were living or had lived this, as well.

I recognized the epidemic proportion of this problem throughout the United States and Canada. And the first website for All But My Soul became a magnet for abused women, battered mothers and wounded protective parents seeking to make sense out of their lives.

How All But My Soul Will Help You Recognize & Deal with Systemic Abuse

All But My Soul shines the light on the concept of “systemic abuse.”

 

All But My Soul helps you see what causes systemic abuse

All But My Soul shows you the signs and symptoms of systemic abuse

All But My Soul helps you recognize what to do when entangled in systemic abuse, by clearly showing you how NOT to fall prey to legal ploys that re-victimize you.

 

You can navigate the legal system with your eyes open and your mind informed about your rights, domestic abuse and the law. You absolutely can NOT afford to go through this process any other way!

 

"When I brought All But My Soul to court, my husband's attorney was less cocky with me." (cited with permission)

 

"The information helped me see the abuse dynamic in the legal battle." (cited with permission)

 

"Your strategy for keeping the doctors honest worked for me too. Thank you so much for sharing that." (cited with permission)

 

All But My Soul is a true story of abuse beyond control. Domestic violence specialists call Dr. King's groundbreaking book “a missing link in family violence literature."

 

Table of Contents

Amazon Reviews "Profoundly Informative, Emotionally Moving, a MUST READ for All Concerned or Ill-Informed Readers."   "Breaking the Cycle of Domestic and Legal Abuse."   "Important Info for the Abused & Those Who Can Invoke Change."   "Read This--It's Invaluable if You Are Abused."   "A Compelling, Real Life Account of the Abuse Cycle."   "A MUST read for EVERY Woman!"

Written with love and wisdom, All But My Soul uncovers a social political scandal that re-victimizes the abused. It shows how a court-documented family abuser uses the system to control the family by pushing the protective parent out of their abused children's lives.

 

All But My Soul became a college textbook for domestic violence and criminal justice study, YET it reads like your best friend.

 

All But My Soul reads like we're having coffee together, with me sharing a very intimate personal experience with you. I take you by the hand and show you life in a battering relationship...at home AND in court.

 

...How our lives look--at the dinner table, in bed under the covers, on vacation, in evidentiary hearings, during legal discovery and MORE... I don't leave anything out. You see parts you don't expect to read. Though if you live this dynamic, you know they exist.

 

People tell me my putting words on these experiences helps give expression to their own. Some even say that expression allows them to see the experience of abuse from the outside in--objectively, yet profoundly personal. They say it has a healing effect.

 

"This compelling, suspenseful and informative expose′ is packed with remarkable insights on what supports and what breaks the abuse cycle, giving you choices before it's too late."

 

All But My Soul has helped thousands of people to break the cycle of violence and reclaim a life of peace, dignity and respect.

All But My Soul shows you… 

The most dangerous myths about family violence

How to recognize the signs of psychological emotional abuse

What happens when terrorism comes from within your home

Why domestic abuse perpetrators and victims remain unnoticed

Why pregnancy exacerbates intimate partner violence

How marital therapy inflames spousal abuse

How batterers can use divorce proceedings to control the family

Why divorce court supports the battering dynamic

How to recognize the tactics characteristic of systemic abuse

How to identify and block opposing counsel's legal psychiatric ploys

What is the relationship between battering and bullying

What happens to the next generation

Why abuse is a choice for adults only

How love and wholeness exist beyond violation

And many more insights about the power of the human spirit and the strength of a mother-child connection.

"This book is an excellent organization of the vast territory of physical and psychological abuse. It should be a companion of every victim and every mental health worker." Dr. John Gottman, Author of When Men Batter Women

more readers reviews